The Enneagram & Motherhood :: Suzanne Stabile [Ep 232]

January 28, 2019 | 11 comments

You’ve definitely heard about it. You’ve probably talked about it with girlfriends or you’ve read books or articles discussing the nine types, but what is the Enneagram all about and what does it mean for your motherhood?

Suzanne Stabile joins us to share her motherhood story and a lot of information about the Enneagram, an ancient typology system that is finding new popularity as a tool that can transform the way you interact with others and understand yourself.

The Enneagram is about how you see and you can never change how you see. All you can do is change what you do with how you see. And I think we expect other women to be more like us than they are. And I think we struggle to accommodate difference because when we’re tired, insecure, amd over-committed, then we settle for sameness. But, there needs to be recognition that there’s not one right way to do things. There’s not one method to follow. There’s not one way of being a mom.

Suzanne is an internationally acknowledged Enneagram master. She has authored acclaimed books on the topic and has her own podcast that goes in-depth on the different types. But, as a believer and a mom of four adult children, she brings wisdom and perspective to parenting in light of the Enneagram.

Parenting is really, really tricky. I don’t think we ever know what the loudest voice in (our kids’) day is. Often it’s not ours. And I think grace is covering all of us and it falls on all of us equally. There are moments when we just need to stand under that grace and with an open heart and pure intentions and do the best we know how to do for ourselves and for one another.

We can’t possibly answer all of your Enneagram questions, but I hope this episode excites you for how this tool can bring unity and grace to relationships with your kids, with other moms and with your spouse. If you want to go deeper in learning about the Enneagram, Suzanne has you covered with her trainings and online resources available at her website.

What we chat about:

  • Suzanne’s family background and experience with divorce and living as a single parent of three. How she met her current husband of 31 years and her parenting journey.
  • Enneagram types as they relate to mothering
  • Type 3, 7 and 8 are aggressive numbers on the Enneagram. They think/do dominant and their challenge is to bring up feelings.
  • How to use the Enneagram to unite moms and not increase divides
  • The Enneagram is about how we see. We cannot change how we see, only what we do with what we see.
  • Types 4, 5 and 9 are withdrawing numbers
  • Types 1, 2 and 6 are dependent numbers
  • Discussion of the nine types and how they act/react
  • Your Enneagram number is determined by motivation and not by behavior
  • It’s not a good idea to try and type your children on the Enneagram or to tell them what you think they are.
  • Thinking of the Types as Animals: Ones are Worker Bees. Twos are Kangaroos. Threes are Eagles. Fours are Butterflies, Fives are Owls, Sixes are Bunny Rabbits. Sevens are Monkeys, Eights are Lions and Nines are Turtles.
  • The three stances: aggressive, dependent and withdrawing. The triads: feeling, thinking and doing.
  • Knowing more about the Enneagram won’t keep us from making mistakes
  • Grace covers the places we fall short

Connect with Suzanne:

  
  

Links Mentioned:

How Each Enneagram Type Reflects God’s Character :

(presented by Jenn Jett at the Enneagram at Work Session presented by Polished Ministries)

  1. Goodness and Rightness
  2. Love and Care
  3. Hope and Radiance
  4. Creativity and Depth
  5. Wisdom and Truth
  6. Faithfulness and Courage
  7. Joy and Abundance
  8. Power and Protection
  9. Peace and Oneness

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11 Comments

  1. Kristen Neicu

    I downloaded the MP3 of Know Your Number and I can’t find a way to pause it, rewind, or fast forward it. I don’t have a 6hr chunk of time to listen. What can I do? I tried to email her company directly but it came back to me undeliverable. Not sure what to do.

    Reply
    • Heather MacFadyen

      Hey Kristen! I’m sorry! I’m sure that is frustrating. Which player are you using to listen to the mp3? That might help me brainstorm a solution for you.

      Reply
  2. Crissy

    I have a question about a comment Suzanne said. She said that you can’t change the way the see things and I was wondering if trauma and abuse can influence how you see things. Thanks so much for this episode!!! Blessings!!!

    Reply
    • Heather MacFadyen

      Hey Crissy! Great question! (I’m so sorry if your question is coming from a place of trauma and abuse). I’m surely not an expert on the topic, but from what Suzanne said about her own adoption and how type 9s had some messages in childhood which reinforced a belief that they didn’t have a voice or a place…I’m guessing you are born with a bent to see one way but nurture (or lack there of) can alter that a bit. I think that’s why she discourages labeling children. If it never changed then we could label them at birth…you know? blessings

      Reply
  3. Sarah Plath

    I can’t get the discount code to work for the online parenting class. Any suggestions?

    Reply
    • Heather MacFadyen

      I’m so sorry Sarah! I’m sure that’s frustrating. Is it the Connected Families Discipline that Connects Course you are trying to sign up for? Did you use “DONTMOMALONE” (letters inside quotation marks)?

      Reply
  4. Carey

    Hello,

    I haven’t been able to get the promo to work on the MP3. Can you give me any suggestions?

    Reply
  5. Bronwyn

    Hi Heather!
    Loved this episode! We’ve been discussing this in our women’s bible study. I clicked on the link to purchase the book (Road Back to You [Book] get $14 off with the code: dma (expires Feb 28,2019)) but it just comes up with an error page. Do you have a different link that would work?

    Also, the ladies in our group would like to take a quiz to find out which number best represents us. There are tons of options online, but just wondering if you have a link to a quiz that you would suggest?

    Thank you! I love listening to your podcast! It is always so encouraging. Blessings to you!
    Bronwyn

    Reply
  6. Christi

    Hi Heather, just a suggestion- you might want to add something to your sponsor shout-out about prepdish being only Paleo and/or gluten free. I signed up for it a while back with your code not realizing that’s what prepdish was about and we are not a Paleo or gluten free family so that was kind of disappointing.
    Other than that I LOVED this episode, we are going through The Road Back To You with our small group right now and it is so interesting! It was amazing getting insight from one of the authors!

    Reply
  7. Shinae

    I’m so disappointed I missed the promos for the enneagram workshop mp3! I only just listened to it today. So sad! I loved this episode, and am going to try to check the book out from the library, but would LOVE to hear if she puts her workshop on sale like that again. Thank you for your excellent interviews with helpful guests and for connecting us with resources to glorify God in our parenting. You are a blessing to us!

    Reply

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