What Triggers Your Angry Reaction? :: Amber Lia {Ep 108}

Feb 15, 2016

You don’t want to be an angry mom. (I don’t either).

You don’t want to believe the lie that it’s “too late” to change. (I don’t either).

But most days it feels hopeless. A pattern of angry reactions fills your interactions. The script of misbehavior-yelling-guilt-shame seems etched in stone.

Thankfully, today’s guest, Amber Lia, brings grace and truth. She gently helps you turn from those hurtful habits. And points you to Biblical responses to replace those angry reactions.

Amber co-authored (with Wendy Speake) the book “Triggers: Exchanging Parent’s Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses”. Today she and I talk through the role we play in negative parenting moments. We also consider several typical anger “triggers”: disobedience, disrespect, sibling rivalry, special needs, and strong wills. 

Personally, our conversation altered my perspective. Considering trigging moments as opportunities to train, instead of frustrating failures. Like Amber said, “There is nothing anger can do that love can’t do better.” When there is a character flaw or misbehavior, my role is to train them with love. Recognizing an angry response never leads to heart level repentance or lasting change.

Connect with Amber (& Wendy):

A former high school English teacher, Amber is a work-at-home mom of 3 little boys under the age of 8. She and her husband Guy own Storehouse Media Group, a faith-friendly and family-friendly TV and Film production company in Los Angeles, CA. When she’s not building sand castles with her boys on the beach, or searching for Nerf darts all over her house, you can find Amber writing to encourage families on her blog at Mother of Knights.


Wendy Speake is a trained actress and heartfelt Bible teacher. She tells stories both on page and stage that allow her to point women toward Jesus on their hardest mothering days. You can follow along at WendySpeake.com or find her regularly as a guest at The MOB Society. Wendy resides in sunny San Diego with her handsome husband and their three ruddy boys.


What we chat about:

  • The shame and guilt we feel over pattern of anger and yelling.
  • Why there is no “quick fix” formula to stop yelling.
  • Recognizing what triggers our angry responses.
  • The role we play in slowing down and quieting contention.
  • Starting with self-examination, asking God to reveal what needs to change.
  • Asking yourself: “What is my anger about? personal needs not met or child’s sin?”
  • When your parents yelled at you and you don’t know any different.
  • Not letting our slip-ups keep us from change.
  • When disobedience triggers your anger.
  • How Jesus handled the disrespect shown Him.
  • When sibling rivalry triggers your anger, recognizing it’s an opportunity to teach problem solving.
  • Help for the mom whose child has special needs/issues.
  • Casting vision over our kids with the strongest wills and hardest misbehavior.
  • When our schedules add stress to life and push out grace and training.
  • The significance of apologizing to our children when we lash out in anger.

Links Mentioned:


How to listen to the podcast:

1.Listen on the blog. Click through to GodCenteredMom.com and click the play button at the beginning of this post.

2. Listen on your smartphone, iPad or iPod Touch – There are a lot of great podcasting apps. Apple has a free one (that I mentioned) in the app store, there is also one called Downcast. It allows you to search for shows, subscribe to them and even speed up the audio. If you don’t have an iDevice, you can listen via Stitcher.

3. Subscribe to the Podcast – access the podcast in iTunes (Click here to access via iTunes). You can also search for it on your smartphone app (like the ones listed above) and subscribe.



  1. Jessica White

    Oh Heather. I know I have said this before. Sometimes when I see what you topic is–I think that it isn’t for me. But, today I am glad that i listened anyway. I am a mom of two older kids (boy 20, girl 14). I sometimes feel like your topics are for moms of younger kids…but then I listen…and I am SO BLESSED!!
    When Amber was talking about training your kids—i felt like maybe I am too late for that advice. BUT God is showing me that it is NEVER too late. He can redeem ALL things.
    Thanks for that reminder–your podcast really is an encouragement to me.

  2. Nicole Gallagher

    Was incredibly encouraged by this episode, already part of the no more angry MOBs group, already had purchased the book but was just blown away by the wisdom that God was pouring our during your interview! You mentioned being excited about having the chance to “coach” your boys while they were fighting and I totally felt the same this morning when I needed to take my 3 kids to trader joes for the 1st time since school started last fall(I typically only take 1 kid while the older 2 are at school). I wanted to leave the grocery store with a thankful heart even if it was a crazy experience and I totally did! The free lollipops that Trader joes gives out during checkout DID NOT hurt at all lol. Thanks for being so awesome, you really are a natural talent as far as interviewing/radio personality type stuff… And thanks most of all for loving Jesus and your family well and being an example to so many of us!

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