Wrote this post a year ago . . .never published it, but still as true today as back then. soooo I pulled it out of drafts, added some pics and am sending it your way. be encouraged, friend!
Anyone else feel motherhood is a roller coaster of joy & frustration?
Literally I was head-over-heels in love with my boys after a day spent at the waterpark. Over the course of a Saturday I spent sweet one-on-one time with each boy, smitten with their unique personalities. The day ended with a bathtub full of boys. I was overwhelmed by God's faith in me to raise them for His glory.
Then came Monday.
Just two days after my joy, I found myself wishing for a different lot.
At one point I ran up the stairs into my bedroom, shut the door and just sobbed.
First, I dramatically flung myself on the bed. Once I realized self-pity wasn't the answer. I immediately rolled off onto the floor. Balled up on my knees, face pressed against the floor and cried out. . .
"What am I doing wrong, God? These boys are challenging me. I keep working so hard and training and it feels like I'm making no progress. What do I do?"
Then I heard an almost audible answer:
"Nothing. I'm doing the work. You only need to be faithful to me."
The ole "let drop" concept back again.
It's hard for me to release control and trust God is working in my boys' hearts.
Especially when we are with friends, family or even strangers who make side comments about my boys' out-of-control behavior. If the expectation is boys who sit still, stay silent and stay attentive, then this group of boys falls well below expectations. But if the expectation is boys who know God, who speak His word, who are sensitive to the needs of the broken and who want to know Him more, then these boys are rockstars.
Lately, I've been listening to podcasts to pass the time (during grocery shopping, folding laundry, and road trips). During this week's road trip from Houston I listened to A.W. Tozer's "Pursuit of God" and found great comfort in these words:
`Them that honour me I will honour,' said God once to a priest of Israel, and that ancient law of the Kingdom stands today unchanged by the passing of time or the changes of dispensation...`Sometimes the best way to see a thing is to look at its opposite.
Eli and his sons are placed in the priesthood with the stipulation that they honor God in their lives and ministrations. This they fail to do, and God sends Samuel to announce the consequences. Unknown to Eli this law of reciprocal honor has been all the while secretly working, and now the time has come for judgment to fall. Hophni and Phineas, the degenerate priests, fall in battle, the wife of Hophni dies in childbirth, Israel flees before her enemies, the ark of God is captured by the Philistines and the old man Eli falls backward and dies of a broken neck. Thus stark tragedy followed upon Eli's failure to honor God.
Now set over against this almost any Bible character who honestly tried to glorify God in his earthly walk. See how God winked at weaknesses and overlooked failures as He poured upon His servants grace and blessing untold. Let it be Abraham, Jacob, David, Daniel, Elijah or whom you will; honor followed honor as harvest the seed. The man of God set his heart to exalt God above all; God accepted his intention as fact and acted accordingly. Not perfection, but holy intention made the difference.
I'm not preaching prosperity gospel here. I'm also not trying to claim that those who experience tragedy must not have honored God.
The words that encouraged me were:
"any Bible character who honestly tried to glorify God..."
Oh sister. I'm trying.
"God winked at weaknesses and overlooked failures as He poured upon His servants grace & blessing untold..."
I don't know about you but I could use a few winks at my weaknesses and definitely could use some hefty pourings of grace.
It's not like God is looking down with magnifying glasses to "catch us" when we mess up.
"Not perfection, but holy intention made the difference..."
Your intention to honor God in mothering matters. Your desire to please Him and treat Him special in your home is noticed by our Holy God.
He sees you trying. He sees me trying. And He winks at our weaknesses. He overlooks failures. And He pours grace over us.
Instead of focusing energy on trying to "do" something, let us focus energy on honoring Him (and seeing our children's intentions over perfections, as well).
Do you need a hefty helping of grace today?
Let's encourage each other in the comments with ways our intentions outweigh our perfections.