The only redeeming value to the story I'm about to share with you was knowing I got to share this story with you. And thus begins the story of the worst grooming decision I've made to date.
All I wanted was a pedicure. Yes it's "winter" and technically no one sees my narsty toes. But I see them and it makes my mommy heart happy to see pretty colored toenails. So when Bruce offered to stay with the boys so I could get out of the house for a couple hours, I slipped on my flip-flops and ran to the nearest nail salon.
The experience was going just as I hoped. With ear buds in place I listened to lofty music letting the massaging chair knead away any "baby on my left hip" knots. The girl next to me flipped through the latest InStyle magazine, while I cracked open “Knowledge of the Holy” by A.W. Tozer. (I’m weird.)
Halfway through my pedicurist, “Lydia”, asked if I wanted the paraffin leg wax. Wisely I asked how much it would cost… five dollars extra. I told her “no, thank you.” She persisted and so in my typical people pleasing ways, I explained why…”no, that's okay. It's winter and no one really sees my legs.”
Appeased with my reasoning on the seasonal use of paraffin wax, she continued with the pedicure while I tweeted the following:
"The man who comes to a right belief about God is relieved of ten thousand temporal problems." -A.W. Tozer
As I sat getting my feet massaged the world all made sense with His words. He captured the essence of being God-centered. In order to not be swayed away by the mundane in life, one only needs to focus on the right belief of God. Oh Tozer, you are one smart guy.
Then with the skill of a surgeon the pedicurist slid flip-flops back on my feet. I looked up as she gestured towards her eyebrows and asked, “Would you like to get your (pointing to eyebrows) wax?”
Self-consciously I brushed my own eyebrows, considering what was being implied. Apparently I had walked around with caterpillars for eyebrows and never been told.
I mean, I had glanced in the mirror while hastily putting on my makeup and noticed a stray hair in need of a pluck. I do own tweezers, but there usually isn’t time for such frivolity.
Given my uni-brow status and the money I'd saved not getting the $5 paraffin wax, I made my first mistake by saying, "Okay let's do it."
Immediately she led me back to a little room. A bright floral patterned sheet covered a bed of some sort to which she gestured for me to lie down. After examining my horrific hair situation through a giant magnifying glass, she gestured to my upper lip and asked in broken English if I wanted to get it waxed as well.
Seriously? Have I been walking around like a Neanderthal and no one has mentioned it?
Here I made my second major mistake.
So I nodded “yes” let’s do the lip while we’re here and you’ve got the wax. And I thought, “How nice for her to consider my facial needs and offer to wax my lip for free?” (Public Service Announcement: "nothing in life is free").
Well, everything went downhill from there. After the upper lip waxing she continued and waxed. my. chin. Before I knew what was happening, she tilted my head to the right and slathered hot wax on the left side of my face… quickly placed the strip of cloth on top of my cheek and RIPPPP! Searing pain.
I would have walked out right then, but how could I with only half a face wax?
So more ripping and burning. My entire face was on fire.
I was bamboozled.
Finally she released me to greet a room full of women with my bright red clown face. To add insult to injury when I checked out I discovered my little torture session cost $30!!!
My face hurt. My pride hurt. My wallet hurt.
Now I got to face my husband and admit to handling our money poorly...not that he would make me feel bad mind you (When I told him the story he responded with, “Well, I have been calling you Zach Gallifinakis behind your back.”…thanks honey.).
As I dealt with a bad rash on my face and relived my teenage pimply angst, I couldn't help but think about that Tozer quote...temporal problems removed with the right belief of God.
You can't get more temporal and shallow than a botched face wax.
What did this problem reveal? My continued struggle with worrying about what people think.
Yes, God loves me no matter how much hair is on my face or how blotchy it is after attempting to remove my apparent beard. Do I really believe He loves me no matter what?
Nope. All I cared about was covering up the bumps with layers and layers of makeup. Searching for the perfect lotion to heal my face as quickly as possible...
So I'm putting this puzzle back in your hands.
How we handle these little "bumps" in life, if our reaction reveals our deepest beliefs about God? How do you stay God-centered when you get bamboozled into a full face wax?
(Pst...and also feel free to share any moments you have made similar unwise grooming decisions.)