She called to talk about my son, but I was the one who benefitted. As she spoke of his desire to perform perfectly, I nodded my head knowing how he feels.
Two missed phonograms lead to a meltdown in class.
Haven't I melted down over feeling like I failed.
She wanted to make sure he knew God loved him no matter what he does or how well he performs.
Yes, I know: "God loves me no matter what I do right or wrong". But knowing and living are two different things. I know His love is unconditional but I feel I have something to prove.
She goes on with the words which stuck in places needing to be comforted:
"I want him to understand God only expects him to do the best he can do." (uh huh, yes). "His best may change. Some day he'll have a demanding job, kids, church responsibilities and he needs to know his best may look different." (silence on my end of the phone).
Some day his best may look different.
My "some day" is now. Pre-kids my floors rarely held a stray toy; a place for everything and everything in its place. Now I feel like I'm suffocating with stuff. There are more "undoers" in our home than those who can help put things back in order. How many stickers or Legos have I fished out of Knox's mouth now that he can crawl?
But I'm doing the best that I can do. My best in this time looks vastly different from my best six years ago with one tiny toddler in our home. When the 4th baby came I had to let go of my ideals of how my home would look or how my children would be entertained because I'm only one person...doing the best she can do.
So sweet perfectionist friend, as you head into the last two weeks before Christmas breathe deeply and know confidently you are doing the best you can do. That's all God asks from you.
In doing my best these are the memories I'm making and some verses I'm meditating on...
"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11
"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28