Thank y'all for your outpouring of love & support from my last post. The post was easy to write, but not easy to "publish". Some feedback has been hard to take. My pride wishes my secret was safe with me. But if I'm going to live authentically I have to share the humbling experiences as they come.
I'm feeling lighter. I don't want you to feel like you need to call me or worry about me. Be assured I am 180% "better" than I was back in August. The negative cycle has been reversed. I'm feeling the positive momentum of His hope & provision. I would like to leave the "blah" behind and share the ways God has reached down and pulled me up over the past month and a half.
Honestly, the first step in the right direction was attending my grandmother's funeral in Indy. Sounds weird but it's true. Taking time away from the demands of family life was life-giving. More than anything getting "to know" Knox and being able enjoy him without distraction was the greatest!
His laugh is addicting. I will do anything to pocket the currency of his laughter and joy. I love the way he rolls his ankles while he eats. I love how he raises just his right eyebrow when something intrigues him. I love how he pulls in close and takes a little nibble out of my left shoulder. Pure yumminess.
Moments with the Middles
Oddly the other "hope offering" has been our wild school schedule. It's odd because, unlike the past 6 years, I don't have a single moment during the week by my self. Instead of dreading it, I love it. I have two full days with Price (my 2nd son) and two mornings with Watts (my 3rd son).
For the past two months I've been spending lots and lots of one-on-one time with each of these "middle" boys. Of course I miss my break and my time to see the dentist, get a haircut or write. I'll trade "me time" for sweet conversations about God, any day. The time sitting and playing has been precious. They have even become great "helpers" when I need to run errands or even go clothes shopping (gasp!)...Watts offers his opinions freely. The other day he told me a shirt was "yucky". He is three. ;)
God was gracious to me when he gave me Quade first. Yes, he was a challenging infant. But he is a rockstar 1st grader. I'm in absolute awe of how much has learned in just a few months of school.
He is my soul mate. I love how he "gets" subtle plays on words. He appreciates and notices patterns in life. Like me he doesn't miss much (blessing & a curse). The other day when he saw a flock of birds on the Katy Trail he said, "Mom, that reminds me of Giotto's 'St. Francis Preaching to the Birds' I bet you don't even know who Giotto is, do you?" Love that guy. (and no I didn't know who he was...but I do now!).
Upcoming Women's Retreat
Okay it's not really a women's retreat (Allume). It's a Christian women's blogging conference. But it's 400 women from across the country who love God soooo much they can't stop writing about Him and making Him known to the world (and there is a prayer room & worship...good stuff). And it's next weekend!
I bought my ticket last year on black friday. Almost a year in advance. In God's goodness, this conference lands right when I need a huge dose of "positive momentum". And also at a time in which I'm excited to be with people. Thank you Lord for knowing exactly what I would need when I'd need it!
Here are a few more of tangible ways God has handed me hope:
Don't you love the pics of the boys from Charlie Roch? Here is one more...but I can't wait to show you even more. This guy is uber talented. I'm thrilled we have captured precious moments with our boys in this season (thanks Charlie!).
What hope has God brought you this week?