Just when I was getting my feet under me, he said the dreaded words, "I'm going on a week-long business trip to London." Like a punch in the gut, the wind knocked out of me.
We were just starting to get beyond survival. We were just starting to laugh again. His announcement pushed me back down. Months of sleep deprivation add up. I can barely meet all the needs when he IS in town.
He hadn't yet left but my mind was already discouraged, projecting how I would "make it". How could I physically do everything required of 4 young boys and maintain the house without him?
He feeds them breakfast so that I can spend time with my Father & begin the day on top. He prays for each one of us before heading out the door. He lifts our spirits at the end of the day when we have had enough of one another. He dresses boys in pajamas, brushes teeth, reads them books & prays before tucking them in to bed each night. He encourages my weary heart. He provides direction when I'm unsure if I'm on the right path.
He is my better half. When he's gone, his absence is a gaping hole.
The boys need to be wrestled. I need to be hugged. Perspective needs to be adjusted. Intensity needs to be lightened. God intended for him to provide balance. Without him the scale tips too far...
The weary mom becomes more weary. The rowdy boys energy grows. The intensity builds.
It is in these times I realize how heavily I depend on him to meet my needs. Yet I should be depending on the only One who can provide all I've ever needed.
Lately I have struggled to be "God-centered". Feeling like there is so very little of "me" left, I am unwilling to replace "me" with "He". Instead I'm clinging to that tiny piece of me.
30 minutes more of sleep wins over time in His Word. Conversations turn to my complaints...exhaustion, weight gain, disobedient children...instead of words of gratitude and encouragement. Thoughts are consumed with "woe is me" instead of "How great is He".
So when my husband is gone, the need to be "God-centered" is even greater but the challenge to make time to humble myself is next to impossible. Few hours exist in which I am alone. All three children talk to me at once while the newborn cries in pain.
How do I relentlessly replace "me" with "He" when I'm on my own but never alone?
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Perhaps my pride...the self-centeredness...that little piece of "me" that I'm clinging to is a heavier burden than I realize. Yes, four young boys is physically and emotionally exhausting. But my high expectations and ideals increase the difficulty.
When Christ says, "take my yoke upon you and learn from me"...he describes his yoke as "gentle & humble". Christ was the ultimate example of God-centered. His burden was given to Him by God. If God gives us the burden (or cross to bear), He will equip us to carry it.
How do I stay God-centered when I am alone? I only carry what God has given me. I don't take on the extra burdens my pride brings. Instead of worrying about my needs being met I will meet with One who can meet all my needs. Instead of making sure you "like" my status update, I will make sure to spend time on my face absorbing His unending approval.
My husband is a wonderful gift. He truly is essential to our family. But I can't fall to pieces when he is gone. Ultimately God is my strength. My refuge. Strong tower. Yet His burden is light. His yoke is easy...only requirement is to let go of "me."
**p.s. Today would be a good day to thank your husbands for all they do for your family. Maybe an extra kiss too. ;)
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