17 days until my official due date. Not that I'm counting.
But am I counting down because I want this pregnancy to be over or cherishing the last days I will most likely ever be pregnant?
Am I counting down the days of impatience, when these awful pregnancy hormones charge through my body, or cherishing these last memories when we have just 3 boys?
Yes, I'm uncomfortable. I know I've hit "the end" when a trip to Target is work. When the thought of walking long distances is terrifying.
Yet there is a miracle occurring in my body right now. I am experiencing an incredible phenomenon. There is an entire person, who will make people, living inside my body.
Given our "family plan" this will be my last time to experience the squirmy movements. The guessing which body part just made my belly bulge. The kisses from brothers on my tightly stretched, very round belly. The anticipation of meeting this gift from God.
Motherhood is full of these moments. The wanting to hurry through the challenging parts yet attempting to embrace each ounce of joy. Savoring each stage yet exhausted and ready for the next. Feeling the pressure to soak it in. To not wish it away.
Isn't this also life?
Things never stay the same. Life is all about movement. Moving from one stage to the next. Growing. Looking toward the future. Yet longing for memories of the past.
Perhaps God designed life to be this series of transitions and dichotomies to prepare us for the struggle we have between earth & heaven?
This world is not our permanent home (Hebrews 13:14). Our souls were made to be in direct communion with our Creator.
"But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ," Philippians 3:20
Even though we belong in His presence. We can't stand the idea of leaving this earthly home. We seek comfort & convenience. It's anticipating the eternal joy of sitting at the foot of the throne, yet wanting to soak up each moment we have on earth.
I feel like motherhood parallels our journey "home". Just as our children slowly develop & grow out of our arms off into the world. We spiritually develop & grow out of this world into His arms.
I will try to enjoy these last few moments of feeling a person move inside me. I will also hold on to the hope of what wonderful memories await me. Life is full of bittersweet developments...a constant movement toward the eternal joy in our Father's loving presence.
What transition are you experiencing right now? Do you feel the pressure to enjoy the "last days" while hopeful to move on to the next stage?