It was not my best "God-centered" day. It was one of those days where it was hard to even "replay" the day to my husband. I didn't want to re-live it. I didn't respond well to the kids. I didn't handle chaos well. Most of my problems were rooted in my control issues.
Yes, I'm still struggling with my control issues.
I think a lot of the stand-offs with my kids relate to the fact that I want things done a certain way and they want things done a certain way and our ways don't match. (The wisdom I gained last week..."Do NOT argue with a 4-year-old!").
I also want to control their behavior. I want them to treat each other special. I want them to obey. When they don't...I get so upset. I take it personally.
Once again by the end of the day, I come to the end of myself. No matter how many things I "do" and "say", I cannot control my life.
Fortunately, the next morning during my time in worship (aka Pandora), He gently guided me to truth:
"God is with us. He is on our side. He will make a way. Our God is able. God is for us. He will never fail us." Hillsong
Then I open up Psalm 1, for my "Run to Him" Bible Study and am struck by more of the same truth:
"The Lord watches over the way of the righteous." Psalm 1:6a
Finally I read the passage for our church's "Read + Listen + Respond":
And Mary said,
“My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is for those who fear him
from generation to generation.
(Luke 1:46-50 ESV)
He's got it. Why do I try to control my "way"? The God who made the universe has it under control. He is watching. In the ESV version of Ps 1:6 it says, "The Lord knows the way of the righteous." He knows. He is aware. He sees.
He has mercy on me. He knows that parenting three young boys while being pregnant is challenging. But perhaps by trying to control that process in my efforts I make it more challenging than it needs to be.
He is able.
As I go about my day and the rest of this week, I'm hoping that phrase will repeat in my mind. He is able. He is able. HE IS ABLE!!!