I wrote a couple weeks ago about my mini-crisis of faith. My challenge with trusting God's plan. Doubting His calling. I was so focused on the possible "nevers" that I was missing all the future blessing & forgetting the past provision.
Tomorrow (Tuesday) is "the sonogram". I'm ready to see this child & to know that all is well. Because of my little gender prediction test results I've been able to process my feelings regarding the potential fourth boy.
I have felt peace about having a fourth boy since God gave me a vision for him, but for some reason I did not have a peace about the upcoming sonogram. After talking about it with friends and my husband I realized my anxiety and dread was correlated with not knowing how to share the news from the ultrasound with those who are hoping I'll have a girl.
When I share our special news I want to feel confident and at peace on the inside AND be able to exude confidence so others do not feel they need to express pity.
Friday morning during my time with the Lord, I laid out my concerns. In order to be still and hear a word from Him, I first expressed what I was feeling & released my anxiety. Then I waited on the Lord. (ironically Lara Williams of "To Overflowing" wrote a post on her blog that same Friday about crying out to the Lord: "for when we need direction".)
Saturday morning during my Sabbath I spent time in prayer asking again for a clear word. I asked for a phrase I could confidently share with others about our exciting news.
At lunch that day we went to a fun local pharmacy that also is a restaurant. As we were leaving a sweet older lady, who was sitting near our table, stopped me and said, "Thank you for allowing me to relive my past by watching your boys. I had 4 boys. It was wonderful."
She went on to tell me that when she had her 4th son a friend called her at the hospital and asked her if she cried. She was confused by the question and thought her friend was referring to the pain of childbirth. The friend clarified and said, "No did you cry when you found out it was a boy." Her response was confidently, "Heavens no! We're thrilled!"
She didn't know what I had prayed for that morning. I hadn't shared my own personal journey. She was used by God that day. Particularly when she said, "With 3 cuties like you have, who wouldn't want a 4th one!".
Thank you Lord. I asked for a clear, confident answer for when people ask what I'm having. This sweet stranger provided exactly what I was needing.
I have been blessed with 3 beautiful, healthy, sweet, fun, adorable, godly, loving boys...who wouldn't want another one.
I don't know what you are wrestling with today. I don't know what you are worrying about. I don't know what difficulty you are struggling through.
I do know that there is a God who loves you desperately. Who sees you. Who knows your steps from afar. He sees when you sit and when you rise. Call out to Him. Pour out your concerns. No matter how small. He hears. He cares. He will answer.
"LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief...
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.
Answer me quickly, LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life. " Ps 143: 1, 5-8
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