Accepting help: the alternative to doing it all

Aug 22, 2011

This post is the next installment in the “Symptom of Self” series…check out the other posts here

I’m fine… I’ve got it…. I’ll be okay…This is what I do.

I’ve said these lines to strangers. To friends. To family. All those who offer their help.  

Why don’t I accept their help?

I have three young children. I am pregnant with a fourth. I am sick and I am tired.  I am over-committed. I have a husband with a demanding job.

Yet I still say : I’m fine.


Because I can do it all, right? I can handle it.  I chose to have all these children. I made these commitments.  Why should I burden someone else when I can “survive”? Selfless thinking, right? wrong…

When I reject help and try to do it all in my strength, once again I’m being self-centered. My children suffer because I’m stressed and not my best self. My husband suffers because I am stretched and exhausted.  Even if I am seeking God each morning and crying out for Him to help me, I am not allowing Him to use those in my life to serve.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

 In my pride I am not accepting help. In my pride I am not allowing others an opportunity to serve. In my pride I am not allowing them the opportunity to “look out for the interests of others”.

in the marathon of motherhood...accept the refreshment others offer

photo credit: Michael Kalus

Although I’ve said “I’m fine” too many times this pregnancy, I have been brought to enough of a humbling point to say:

  • yes I would love for you to bring me dinner.
  • Thank you for watching my boys at the pool while I try to finish lunch (one small bite at a time).
  • Of course I would love for you to pick up my son and have him come over to play.

I am a work in progress. I am unbelievably grateful that God has surrounded me with loving friends. Thoughtful family. A patient husband.  And as my belly grows and the reality of being the mom of 4 little ones draws nearer, my humility must increase.

To those who have helped me, here is a promise:  “God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.” Hebrews 6:10

Do you struggle like I do to accept help? Have you thought about why you reject their help? The next time someone offers, when you take them up on it?

**I am linking up with “Thought Provoking Thursdays” check out other thought provoking posts here: **

***6 years ago today I became a mom. what a precious role. what an amazing adventure. so thankful that God has given me the one job I have always wanted.***


  1. Sarahbro

    Great post!

  2. Ashley Cating

    Another post that speaks to my heart…I can totally relate to the comment, “I chose to have these children, why should I burden someone else?” Well, without family in town, I will be forced to lean on others when it’s time to head to the hospital to have this baby…not a bad thing though, right?? By the way, anything you’re craving that I can bring you?? hee hee!

    • Heather MacFadyen

      texas sheet cake of course!! and taco salad. =) see ya tonight!

  3. Amanda @ A Sweet Life Rocks

    I am stopping by from the link up party today.
    You have a great blog. You seem to be so focussed in the message you are purposing to deliver.
    Nice to meet you!

  4. Ally

    Timely post. Going solo with all four this week. Never thought of “I’m fine” as self-centered, great perspective. Feeling very thankful for great friends nearby! Loved the picture of the runner – great illustration! Hope you are feeling better soon.

  5. Deb Chitwood

    That is a fascinating perspective about trying to go without help as being self-centered. And I love your statement “I am not allowing Him to use those in my life to serve.” Definitely thought-provoking! Thanks for a great post! 🙂 Deb @

    • Heather MacFadyen

      thanks for the encouragement Deb ! I’m glad your thoughts were provoked. =)

    • Heather MacFadyen

      Thanks Lauren for the great resource! Love the idea of having it out and visible. Thanks for stopping by!

  6. shandaoakley

    I reject help. It must makes me feel bad for others to do the things I don’t want to do or do not have the time or energy to. I have so many offers to help clean before events I have at my home but it makes me feel guilty that I need help. You brought out a lot of good points.

  7. kate clarke

    it’s taken me years to realise I can’t do everything on my own and that God was just waiting for me to hit rock bottom and ask for help. It’s giving up control that’s so hard in modern society – women are taught they have to cope with everything and it’s acceptable for men to let it happen. You can do all things just by calling on the holy spirit.

    • Heather MacFadyen

      Thanks kate for your great perspective. It is so hard for us to accept help.


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